Apr. 14th, 2007

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Yeesh, it's been such a long time since I did a public post, this feels kind of weird.

Tuesday was the hardest, Tuesday was so many different shades of terrible all at once. I knew everyone was seeing it, everyone already knew what I could not.

I was thankful for every work shift I had this week as it spared me from staring numbly at my laptop, counting blue torrent lines.

Dawn broke this morning during my night shift and I was sitting with my feet on the desk, grateful that I live in the Middle East (and that doesn't happen often) because it means I still get to smoke indoors. I don't remember who wrote a fic that had Sam as an ex-smoker who got tired of 'shivering in doorways' but that thought frightened me as much as it had Gene I suppose.

And I couldn’t get rid of that lump in my throat at the idea of coming home to see it. And the thing is.... this finale isn't like other finales. This could end everything. And not in that stupid - oh, this is how the canon says it ends. But really honestly change everything, every single fic ever written may be reduced to ashes, there may be nothing to write about in the future because none of them may have ever existed in the first place.

But it is actually the idea of fic, and the desire to read everything that had been written since the finale, that compelled me to stop behaving like a child and sit down with a bowl, comfort cereal, milk, a full pack of Luckies and an almost full bottle of Diet Coke. And press play.

The obligatory finale rant o' death, careful all ye' who enter )

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